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10 June 2017 @ 11:07 pm
I thought my account have been deleted from LJ since I never login for more than a year. But it still here.

My last entry I was stressed out because of my situation back then.
I got a work now. Back at school again, my almamater to be exact. So far I'm happy here.
Let me keep this happiness for long time.

And I have another fandom: esports. I'm happy to find good people there too. Life as a fan is exciting. Fangirling is exciting.
So I have a friend who's lately back being active in FB. He & his gf were auditor in one of big four audit company. I know he's been working like crazy. He can work until 1:00am, come home then back to work in 7:00am. There are times when he have to sleep at the office. Lately, probably because he plan to get married, he realize that he doesn't want to keep living like that anymore so he quit his job & full time selling mlm product.

He said 'why working for someone else when you can work hard for yourself'. Something like that. Well afaik he already got 4 of our friends as his downline. I have no interest in his business, except trying one of diet program drink.
I joined Or*fl*m* once before because it's my mom's friend who approach me through my mom. The membership fee is cheap so I thought 'whatever... at least I can buy the products cheaper'. It was only working for 3 month. I remember my target was only getting one of perfume as newbie performance bonus. After I got it I don't care anymore for many reasons: the products aren't better than other common makeup brand, member got 30% discount + many bonuses when reach certain point made me thinking how much the product actual worth, & their lipstick are shitty.

So the point is: for me mlm is just glorified reseller. You're not really working for yourself, you still working for the COMPANY. And personally I'm not willing to do it cos there are times when I don't like talking to people in general and I hate uncertainty. I need to know how much money I'll have every month to make me feel safe which make me holding on to a job that make me do comfort eating.
18 September 2014 @ 09:26 pm
A while ago I wrote that I want to have twins. When I check my FB, my ex wrote that he's going to have twin babies. When I read that I was like HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.... *rollingonthefloor*. I forgot that he has twin gene.
Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: miyavi vs kreva - Strong
01 September 2014 @ 09:49 pm
Working at school, I see many kind of family issues. Like when I'm inputting children's data, some of them only have one parent's name on birth certificate but when comparing the date of the parent's wedding day, the wedding is earlier. Why not registered your child as yours? Last month we got request from one parent. She planned on changing the father's name of her daughter's birth certificate into her current husband and she asked us to change father's name on the kid's report too (we use data from birth certificate). She said her daughter never know that her father isn't her biological father and she always covered the data page on her reports and only showed her daughter her result. We do agree (cos we can't argue anyway, it's legal) as long as she give us copy of the new certificate. My friend & I just thought 'is it okay for them to hide the truth from their daughter like that'. Her biological father isn't dead anyway. They got divorced before she was born. What if someday he comeback to visit his daughter, will she be okay. Her daughter is a sweet girl & still have some childhood's cuteness. I hope she'll be alright even if one day she finally learn the truth.

[Another story that make me asking ]Another story: few days ago a guy coming to school asking to meet his daughter (which is still studying in class). This guy just come out of prison for domestic violence (I don't know the detail, whether he abused his wife or daughter or both). The mother came to our principal when she was registering her daughter explaining that she ran away from home (they lived abroad) with her kids and only bring few clothes here. They live in her family's house. She called her husband crazy and ask us to never let him get near her children. We agree and give his pic to all security members. So when he came, security won't let him inside but he can force himself in. But he was stopped at teacher on duty desk. The teacher told him 'it's still study time no parents allowed to visit their children unless there's urgent matter.'. Meanwhile we try to call her mom and grandma to let them know that the father came to school. He stay downstair for awhile even crying too. One of teacher call the student out of class and ask her if probably she want to meet her dad, she refused so one of counselor accompanying her in case she need someone. I don't know how long he stay or if the mother already come then he go away.

Previously when the principal told us her story about the violence that happened for years, my friend & I thought 'how could it happened for years and you just running away now' because her family is RICH, and she look well (ah lack for better word). I mean she doesn't look like victim of domestic violence with bruises or distress looks. She look cheer up enough & chatty. I thought 'oh maybe she don't have enough money to run away and fly back here' but just one call from her to her family, they can afford picking her up right away. So 'oh maybe there are other reasons, whatever those are we don't know'.

The next day the school counselor told us she met the mother and talk to her. She admitting that she like being abused. She like it when her husband hit her cause he would shower her with love and attention after that. They got divorced cos her family forced her to do that not because she want to. They leave the house because of her daughter which is our student. She's 2nd child, her older sister has intellectual disability so she doesn't understand much, and her younger brother is only 4/5yo. So she's the one who have witnessed the most of what happened.

Until that part I thought 'probably the mother is sadomasochist and it's their preference if they have kink like that'. But then my friend told us that he hit their daughter. And I was 'whoa... this can't be right'.
The daughter act normal (I mean like normal teenage her age) at school but at home she start violent toward her mother. Calling her bitch and rude to her. From the mother pov: she act just like her father. I can understand where her anger came from. 'Why mom love dad more than us her children. She stay with dad for years even if he act like that. She let him beat us' So I said : 'wouldn't it be healthier if they live separately for awhile so the daughter can solve her personal issues first?' But my friend said: 'she's the only one who keeping her mother from going back to her dad cos she's the one that forced her mother to run away'. Her mother even admit that she still love her ex-husband. My only thought: 'is she crazy???' What you do in your bedroom is between you & your partner, but if he abuse his children too, that wasn't kink anymore right? That is abuse. And mother why you let him???

My friend said her experience & knowledge do not enough in this case. She asked for outsider's help, more experienced senior psychologist that school always used for student psychological test, talent mapping. She suggest both mother & daughter seeking for psychologist help cos she can only help the daughter in school. She need more than that. I hope they really do it. For the sake of those children.

Another one I heard from my friend in high school: one kid have parents who like to have sex in front of her. It traumatized her. I never wanna see my parents have sex even now that I'm adult. I know they do it, I just don't wanna see it. If I had ever caught them in the act (cos we all sleep on the same bed until 4th grade - my old house was small, only have 1 bedroom, when I sleep alone my bed was on the dining room) I don't remember probably I was too little to understand. Anyway what parents do that on purpose?

Days at school could be very interesting sometimes.
22 August 2014 @ 07:45 pm

Aren't they so cute? (>.<) lol
I read this blog from a scrapbooker http://www.stephaniehowell.com/ for several days. ALL OF IT, except her giveaway posts & new products introductions. She has for now 4 daughters, the younger two are twins. They are so cute! (Above pic not them btw, just random pic I found when googling twins) She make me wanna have twins, which is impossible cos my family doesn't have twins dna. I'm playing The Sims 2 nowadays (which is like a decade too late lol). Then I realize that my family have 4 daughters & the younger two are twins too. Whoaa what a coincidence. hahaha

Stephanie have an interesting blog. She make me thinking 'ah I wanna have a blog too'. It'll be wonderful to record my children's life & keep it as memory by scrapbooking or simply taking pics. I don't like being photograph much tbh. My house's wall pretty bare from family pics. There's my grandparents pic, Mother Mary & Pope John & Last Supper painting. On my room, there are 4 BigBang posters. Back then it was Leonardo DiCaprio posters which I hanged together & put in rotation which one on the top. I like to be behind camera more than being in front of camera. But once upon a time in college, I realize one day when looking at pics from an event my friends & I organized, I can't find a proof that I was right there. I only showed up at probably 3 pics, 2 of it was everyone-get-together pic & one candid of my friend & I sat near her. It saddened a little so I try to participate in group-selfies more. lol

Another reason for blogging, I think I could post things I made like bracelets (my latest hobby) & my thoughts about it and the process making it. Facebook which I use to post pics right now not giving you enough space for that.
But it's still in 'things I gonna do one day' list OTL.

My mom just said 'why do you wanna have twins? looking for one baby is hard enough' Hmmm... if I truly have twins, I'll stop working & be stay-at-home mom.
21 August 2014 @ 03:10 pm
My blog title "just breathe" doesn't sound positive. I named it when I feel life is forcing me to crawl everywhere.
I need something more positive. Gonna look for inspiration.
21 August 2014 @ 03:06 pm
This is happening right now.http://www.thejakartapost.com/news/2014/08/21/ri-holds-breath-election-ruling-looms.html Their decision could affect the future of my country.

The school where I work only some km away from the court building, approximately 15 mins away by car. The roads surround the court are blocked, traffic diverted to alternative route. Many protester surround the parameter with police and army standing guard. Parents keep calling school asking how the school situation. It's quiet in school, activity going normal. But we do doing prevented action by giving day off to kindergarten & elementary students. High schooler still study but only til 12:00. Some parents won't let their kids going to school today which is understandable since traffic could be awful & they'll spend hours on their way home, or worst situation like riot happen (praying that it won't but Prabowo side is scary http://www.thejakartapost.com/news/2014/08/20/prabowo-won-t-go-quietly.html). My students are rich kids & mostly chinese descent and the memory of 1998's chaos in which they were the targets of angers haven't been forgotten yet so I can understand parents' concern.

Praying that everything & everyone will be safe.
Current Mood: stressedstressed
19 August 2014 @ 03:04 pm
So.. I was looking for an LJ account because I wanna read her fanfic which I loved but her LJ had been purged. Then I searched if I can still read her old posts through wayback machine or other alternative and I found out that LJ will deleted accounts that had been inactive in a year. Which remind me that I don't remember the last time I login on my LJ. Sooooo here I am. I'm not active in LJ but I'm not willing to let it go either.

Bottomline: I'll try to log in more often.
19 November 2013 @ 10:51 am
Spare a time to post on LJ to change my default icon because this super sexy hot man have new MV: Doom Dada

I only like last half part of the song but the MV is killing me so it didn't matter and "doom dada divida" part is stuck on my head.
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24 October 2013 @ 06:21 am
I finally own you *happy dance*. It's a year late and there's Note 3 already but only now I can afford it. Note 3 still too expensive. T-T

I try to sleep early with the hope that I'll wake upon my own earlier but I wake up late too. It means I sleep more than usual ne? Anyway update on my life: I had finished my trial period at work so my status now '60% employee' something like that for about a year or two. OTL I don't remember that part on my contract. Then I'll rise to 80% employee for another year then full employee. My road still far ahead. yesterday my co worker ask me 'do I like working there. I answer him 'It's ok. I could hold on. Anyway I'm very not looking forward to another job hunting.' Doesn't sound optimistic right? I hope he's not asking for my boss.

Yesterday I read Stars Made of Paper by rinmonsterer
http://rinmonsterer.livejournal.com/51816. It's AU because Brian still in college & Justin in HS. This Brian really lonely & stupid imo. There are moments when I wanna scream at him for being clueless. The other times I wanna hug him.
I read season I recap from Sakesushimaki too. Reading recaps or any discussion of QAF still give me warm feeling & make me smile. (^_______^)